


Back where I belong

by AceLucky



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Angst, Cheese, Daydreaming, F/M, Fluff, Homesickness, Hurt/Comfort, Longing, Love, Romance, Tarot Cards, Wanderlust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2016-09-12
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6785461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four years after the end of Escaflowne takes place and Hitomi is dwelling on the past. She finds herself thinking of Van and wondering whether she made a mistake returning to earth, the problem is she doesn't really feel like she belongs anywhere. Back on Gaea Van has begun to develop similar doubts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've marked this as chapter 1 out of ? And have not marked it as complete but it still states 1/1 so no idea what's happening there! Warning/rating will probably change as I add more chapters, more tags and characters will be added too but I didn't want to add them all before I post more.

“Oh no, not this again,” Hitomi prayed as she held her hands together, willing herself to stop trembling. 

She looked up too hopeful, out onto the bay but she knew she wouldn’t see him. It had been a while since she’d seen Van; a while since they’d had any communication. Hitomi had gotten used to it; her emotions were mixed, like a palette for a stormy sky. She had never been more grateful for home when she first returned. She was happy for Yukari and Amano, she’d been happy to be back in school and competing in track games once again. She didn’t miss the cards but didn’t blame them enough to forsake them. 

She tried to shake the fear that made her heart quiver. Hitomi swallowed empty words that would fall on deaf ears to avoid confronting the truth. In a near whispered the words she’d been trying not to say, “Oh Van.” She didn’t want to rely on him, didn’t want to rely on anyone. But she missed him, no matter how happy she was to be home and to be safe; there was no cure for eternal love. 

_Have I made a mistake?_ She asked herself, searching the surf for answers that she knew came from nowhere but within.

She shook her head dismissively, her hair falling over her eyes. Jumping up from the spot where she’d been sat she thought _Get a hold of yourself Hitomi, no more._

Since returning home she’d been happier, more confident and certain of the future. Or at least not nearly as worried, all she could do was her best and to be a good person. 

Anything more than that, well Hitomi decided to leave that to fate and strangely she was okay with that. The anxieties of her past were long forgotten, yet there was something boiling under the surface. It started like any niggling worry, like a small worm that crawled and scratched the surface of the skin. Soon that worm burrowed further in, into the brain and took hold. 

“Hitomi!” She saw Yukari the other side of the tram lines, waving excitedly, a rose clutched in one hand.

 _years and they’re still together,_ she had to smile, it was right after-all. 

Sat having coffee Hitomi stared mindlessly out of the window, her nails scratching at the delicate skin on the underside of her forearms. 

“You’ve not been here since I met you huh?” Yukari said reaching out to her best friend.

Hitomi frowned, “I’m sorry, I was so excited to see you and to hear about your trip and then I…” she stuttered, “I,” unable to finish she burst into tears.

Yukari leapt from her seat so she could wrap her arms round Hitomi, “Oh Hitomi whatever on earth has happened whilst I’ve been gone?”

Hitomi clung to her friend, her tears seeping through Yukari’s shirt, “I’m so sorry Yukari, I never meant for any of this to happen.”

Yukari pulled away, confusion visible, “What to happen? Hitomi,” she shook her shoulders gently but Hitomi was unresponsive, “Hitomi you haven’t done anything wrong.”

Hitomi just shook her head, “I know, you wouldn’t understand, I can’t do this.” she pulled away and grabbed her gym bag, “I’m sorry Yukari I can’t put you through that, not again but I can’t stay here either,” she closed her eyes, willing herself to be removed from the earth, on opening them she ran from the café.

She had no idea where to go; only one place she really wanted to be. _I can’t, I can’t go back there, I won’t,_ she thought, a mantra to repeat until she believed it herself.

At home she locked herself away behind the safety of her bedroom door, her brother still at school, her mother at work. She tried listening to music and reading, but nothing could drown out the sound of her own heart and what she wanted. Reading books was a good distraction, but it wasn’t reading cards.

Reluctantly and against her better judgement she reached for her bottom draw, underneath a purple velvet shawl lay her cards. A sharp intake of breath steadied her hands as she reached for them. The pull was magnetic; once she’d started there was no stopping.

Sat on her chair she placed the cards on the desk, her heart beat quickened as she begun to shuffle them. 

Turning the first card her eyes opened, “The Lovers,” she murmured.

************************** 

“But Lord Van!” Merle’s voice ran shrill through the forest.

“Go home Merle,” Van snapped as he cut back vines with his sword.

“Lord Van!” She screamed again, this time she’d caught up with him and practically pounced, “You can’t Lord Van it’s not safe.”

He shook her off him, “I have to do this.”

She shook her head, “Do what? There’s nothing that needs doing out here!” She snapped.

“Merle go home,” Van stood his ground but couldn’t make eye contact with her. He knew that the moment she caught the look on his face she’d know the truth. His voice softened, “Please Merle, I’ll be back soon.”

Merle slumped onto the grass, “It’s Hitomi isn’t it?” She picked a daisy from the floor and twirled it in her paw.

Van sighed and leaned against a tree, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

When Merle looked up she was crying, “You know how much I care about you, but I know how much you love her and miss her. It’s been four years and recently you’ve not been much fun to be around.”

Merle stood up slowly and placed the daisy into Van’s hand without a word, “I’ll see you at dinner I guess,” she scampered off without waiting for Van to reply. It hurt her too much to see him like that she she’d known him more than long enough to understand when he wanted to be left alone. 

“Merle,” Van whispered looking in the direction of where his young friend had disappeared to. In all honesty he didn’t know where he was going or what he was doing. _To fight a dragon?_ He gave a mirthless chuckle. He stared up at the mystic moon, “Hitomi, maybe she’s right.”


	2. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hitomi continues to dwell over life back in Gaea and has to make a hard decision. Van too finds that ruling without a Queen by his side, is harder than he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, I suck at updating. Originally this was only meant to be very short, just a few pages. I ended up wanting a little more from it and have spent about 3 months working on it, forgetting about it and hating myself for leaving it open-ended so here it finally is. Note to self and everyone - this is by far my best work, but I don't know, the idea really stuck with me and so I had to get it out there. This is so cheesy and rushed, I'm so sorry, but I needed the cheese and fluffiness at the end, especially the super cheesy ending quote. Also slight a/u where a few things end up differently (Millerna and Dryden give things a go) which ties into my Fic 'Graveside' which is Gaddes-centric - hence why Hitomi is reminiscing over him and his kindness.

Hitomi laid back in the bath, she attempted to focus on listening to the radio playing her favourite station but all she heard was a pumping sound. It ate away at her, a valve, opening and closing, deafening, her heartbeat would not allow her to forget what had passed.

She slid down into the bath, the porcelain still cold where she hadn’t let it warm before diving in. Distractions didn’t work as well as they used to, she knew that much. She felt the water rush in as she ducked her head down under the water, closing her eyes she let it cover her eyelids, nose and scalp. She moved her head a little in the water so she felt her short hair, longer now since she let it grow out, move all about her. Feeling her hair brush her shoulders so softly reminded her of his touch.

She opened her eyes under the water, a mistake she knew but she wanted to take it in, see what it looked like. She needed these new experiences, no matter how painful or strange. The light was shining through the bathroom window, the sun low in the sky.

She was sure she could hear her mother calling her so allowed her mouth to surface, “I’m okay mum, just having a bath,” she called. Answering her family, pretending everything was fine was easier than the truth. Her family knew what happened, at least they had heard what she had to say and no one had questioned it. She spoke of it once, then moved on.

She dipped her head back under the water, her veins pulsed, something was calling her. Someone was calling out her name, “Van,” she spoke, air bubbles escaping from her mouth she reached out to cover her lips, not wanting to admit the name that had been spoken silently.

Her hand snaked down her body, rest for a moment in between her legs, she jolted upwards, water cascading over the rim of the bath.

She let out an audible gasp of frustration and hauled herself out of the tub. It wasn’t just Van she missed, though he was the main reason she wanted to return to Gaea, home didn’t feel like home anymore. She sighed staring at her reflection, she was sure she’d lost weight the past few months, but no matter what she ate she never put any on. Home felt like the mystic moon and that strange land Gaea? That felt like home. She hated to admit it but she even missed Merle… she missed Allen, Millerna, she missed Gaddes. In the last few weeks she’d been in Gaea her and Gaddes had shared several heart to hearts where she’d learnt far more about Allen’s second in command than she ever could have imagined.

Gaddes had been handsome back then, strong and more than capable of looking after both himself and those he loved. She had seen such horrors and sorrow in his past but saw such a bright future for him where love would blossom. She wanted to return to Gaea to see whether her prediction had come true, she’d thought about peering into the future once again but refused to go back on her word. 

“Oh Van,” she sighed wiping the bathroom mirror. She ruffled her hair in a towel and applied just a small bit of make-up, more to cover up her flushed cheeks and puffy eyes than anything else.

Once dressed she head downstairs, lingering on the staircase she could see her mother in the lounge, watching TV and flower arranging at the table. It would be set in a few hours by her younger brother, ready for curry Tuesdays for when her father got home. A weight pulled at her, threatening to tear her at the seams, but she pursued her destination.

“Mom,” she begun tiptoeing in the room.

Her mother looked up and peered down her glasses, a warm smile radiated from across the room.

“What’s up sweetie?” She asked as she placed a large Iris stem into the vase. 

“Mom it’s about Gaea,” she stopped walking and leant against the wall.

Her mother stopped what she was doing and removed her glasses, she gave a wistful sigh and patted the seat next to her, “I knew this day would come.”  
Hitomi walked slowly and sat next to her mother, careful to avoid eye contact, “Was grandmother ever like this?”  
Her mother smiled, “No, she spoke about it once and I knew she missed him, missed that world. But she hadn’t spent nearly as long there as you did.”  
“I can’t believe that you even believe me.”  
“Hitomi we’ve been over this,” she put her arm around her daughter and pulled her close.

“Mom I wanna go back,” Hitomi confessed. She drew her knees up to her chin and cast her eyes down, despondent, there was nothing else to say.   
Her mother remained silent for a moment and then removed one of the ferns from her arrangement, it was curled up, “See this fern?”

Nodded glanced upwards and nodded, “It starts small, like a foetus, but soon it unravels, ready to experience the world. Ready to touch it’s leaves with all the other plants in the forest and so it’s spores spread throughout the world and on it goes. No one holds the fern back, it does what it knows it must.”

Hitomi couldn’t help but laugh, “Mom you’re so weird, that was the worst metaphor I’ve ever heard.”

It was only then Hitomi noticed her mother had tears in her eyes, “Oh mom, I’m sorry.” Hitomi hugged her mother, cuddling into the soft, wool jumper.   
“It’s okay Hitomi, it’s okay.”

Few words passed between them, there were no words that could do justice for the feelings either had. But by the time they parted to get ready for dinner, both knew what the path was that would face them in the end. 

*********************************

Van had tried to reach her, that was what he told himself, told Merle… But they both knew it was a lie. The truth was that he tried to reach her, tried to see her but whenever he got close he would shut himself off from it, scared that it would do more harm than good.

His reflection still startled him, he’d been a boy back then he knew that now. But it didn’t mean that feelings changed, he had thought they might. True he knew they would always have a connection, always be able to reach one another but he had believed that one day he would marry, a Princess from another country or perhaps the daughter of a Lord. There was always the pressure to marry, from his advisors, the finest swordsmen in the land to others when they visited like Millerna and Dryden. A King, 20 years of age and unmarried was unheard of. 

But then again, women being allowed to fight had too been unheard, that was until Celena had keenly picked up the sword. Merle on seeing Celena’s abilities and perhaps inspired by Naria and Eyria had too taken up fencing. Gaea seemed to be changing fast, it was for the best, and yet he found it hard to rule with a steady heart without the Queen he wanted by his side.

“Your Grace,” Van turned, placing his sword back in it’s sheath. 

“Myas,” Van smiled, there were many in court he could not stand to be around, Myas was not one of those.

“The Council are waiting,” he bowed and turned to make his leave. “And your Grace, you should probably know, there’s quite a few waiting to speak with you,” he gave a small smirk.

Van sighed, he had wanted to be an open King, the kind his people could speak to face to face, it often meant he would spend hours listening to the worries of everyone from soldiers to farmers, mothers to artists. “I’m coming, wait will you, I’ll walk with you.”

Myas resumed position by the door, “Of course your Grace,” he paused, “And don’t forget your crown.”He added as a matter of caution. 

 Van was not a fan of the crown, it was too heavy and bulky even now he’d grown. His responsibilities just reminded him of when everything fell apart. Alliances were still hard to make, not all had been forgiven regarding those who sided with Zaibach, trust too had been broken and fractured.

 

********************

 

She hadn’t decided whether it would be forever or just a day. That didn’t matter, what did matter was the moment, just one moment longer with him. She was sure once she looked into his eyes she would know what she had to do. 

There was a picture he had. Hitomi by his side, Hitomi had told him a quote from the mystic moon once, behind every great man was an even greater woman. He couldn’t recall who said, and he certainly wasn’t sure if he was a great man, but still it resonated with him.

When all the days demands were met, Van finally felt free to clear his head, another lie, it would be of her he knew. Merle was waiting for him when he emerged. The sun was low in the sky, buzzards drawing closer.

Van and Merle sat in silence leant against their favourite tree, it was where he went to read and where they went just to sit in silence, just be safe in one another’s company. 

The pillar of light that appeared came so unexpectedly that Van rubbed his eyes twice then asked Merle to pinch him to make sure he wasn’t dreaming.  
And she was there again, as if it were yesterday, her hair longer, messier, she, no longer in school uniform. But Van would have recognised her no matter the number of years that had passed by.

“Hitomi,” he whispered under his breath. Merle pounced on him and licked his right cheek, she blushed as he scowled at her, she shrugged, licked her paw, “For luck.” He laughed, “Of course.”

Merle dashed off and Van was left facing the girl from the Mystic Moon once more, trembling in his boots and feeling a little faint he couldn’t fathom what he was supposed to do now. 

“Oh Van,” Hitomi said so quietly that he was unable to hear her, “I’m home.”

She couldn’t walk slowly to him, her legs were unable to carry her slow and steady and instead she sprung into a sprint, “Van!” she cried as she ran for his arms and leapt into them. 

“Hitomi,” his arms cradled her and lifted her from the ground. She nuzzled into his shoulder, “See Van, I told you I’d never let go.”

They stood for a moment in the light of the dying sun, listening to nothing but one another bodies, afraid that if they let go she’d be sent back again, afraid of the consequences of her third coming. Van was the one to step back, yet unable to let go of her, “I like your hair like that.” He said, unable to believe she was there once again. He felt stupid the moment he said it, was that really the best he had after five years? 

Hitomi blushed and shuffled her trainers, “Thanks, it’s kinda a mess, but…” Van silenced her by pressing his lips to hers. This took him by surprise as much as it did her but she didn’t pull away, rather wrapped her arms tighter round him as her took her by her wrists gently and held her there. The only thing that escaped her lips was a small, “Oooo.” They bathed in each others warmth sharing that first kiss after so long apart, tasting one another again, inhaling the others sent. It was in Van’s arms she truly felt home, this now handsome man she had adored so much when they were younger and when, ironically, things felt more simple.

When they broke apart the kiss Van raised Hitomi’s hands to his lips and kissed each one, “I can’t believe you’re here.”

She let out a light laugh and shook her head, “Neither can I, but..”

There were a thousand things she wanted to say yet could not find a single word to utter to him. His face seemed harder now, more mature and weary with his responsibilities, yet when he smiled at her it melted into a reflection of the boyish cheek that had one captured her heart.

Van stroked her hair, letting his hand fall gently down the side of her face as he noticed the tears forming in her eyes, “Hey, it’s okay, I know.” 

She searched his eyes for meaning, “I don’t know what to say either,” he continued. He reached down for her hand, she laced her fingers with his without question, “Come on, see that tree?” He pointed with his other hand, Hitomi nodded meekly. “That’s Merle and my favourite, we often sit under there, I think maybe we should start there? Start again?”

Hitomi smiled at the mention of the cat’s name, everything was so familiar, she couldn’t of thought of a more beautiful spot to talk. She nodded, “Anywhere, as long as I’m with you.”

Neither was sure how long she would stay, it was something that didn’t merit discussion, what mattered was the moment they were living in. There was a time, years later when his children were moaning that they wished to be older, or for days to pass to celebrations that he would say, “It’s called the present because it’s a gift.”


End file.
